When analysing the practices used in modern preschools, schools, and therapeutic education centres for children, we can often see that a significant part of their approach is based on behaviourist principles—that is, controlling and modifying behaviour. However, an important question arises: when education relies heavily on a strict reward-and-punishment model, do children truly grow into motivated, independent, and creative individuals?

What Is Behaviourism?

Behaviourism is a school of psychology that became prominent in the early twentieth century. It proposes that behaviour can be shaped through external stimuli: rewards, also known as reinforcement, or punishments, meaning unpleasant consequences.

For example, a child may be encouraged to follow the rules because they will otherwise be punished, or they may be promised a reward for achieving a particular result. Behaviourist methods are still widely used in children’s education, but are they truly the best solution?

B. F. Skinner wrote:

“A person who has been punished is not thereby simply less inclined to behave in a given way; at best he learns how to avoid punishment.”
(Science and Human Behavior, 1953, p. 183)

In other words, punishment does not necessarily create meaningful internal change. Instead, the child simply learns how to avoid being punished. Punishment therefore tends to develop avoidance mechanisms rather than genuine understanding or responsibility.

Punishment Is Not Limited to Severe Consequences

We often think of punishment as something involving serious or drastic restrictions. However, punishment can also appear in seemingly minor everyday situations. For example:

“You didn’t clean your room, so you’re not going outside today.”

This may appear to be a relatively small consequence, but it is still a form of punishment. An unpleasant outcome is imposed in response to unwanted behaviour in an attempt to make the child comply with the rules.

The child’s behaviour is therefore corrected not by considering their needs or helping them understand the consequences of their actions, but through the threat of discomfort or deprivation.

Why Is Criticism of Behaviourism Important?

Short-Term Motivation

When a child does what an adult wants solely because they are afraid of punishment or expect a reward, they are not being encouraged to understand why the behaviour itself matters. Once the external incentive disappears, the child’s effort often disappears as well.

Reduced Intrinsic Motivation

Researchers Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, who developed self-determination theory, found that relying heavily on external incentives such as rewards and punishments may gradually undermine a person’s ability to find motivation within themselves—motivation arising from the activity itself, personal values, or internal needs.

A Lack of Safety and Trust

A child who is constantly controlled may begin to feel unloved or unaccepted whenever they fail to meet an adult’s expectations. Over time, this can weaken the relationship and reduce mutual trust.

A Culture of Avoidance

As Skinner suggested, children may learn to hide or avoid being caught engaging in unwanted behaviour rather than understanding why the behaviour is harmful or unacceptable.

This can encourage secrecy, manipulation, and dishonesty rather than genuine behavioural change.

A Humanistic Alternative

The humanistic approach to education emphasises personal dignity, freedom of choice, and the importance of understanding the consequences of one’s actions.

Instead of strict control, it focuses on warm relationships, respect for the child, and opportunities for children to discover solutions for themselves. Carl Rogers and Abraham Maslow both emphasised the importance of psychological safety, unconditional acceptance, and self-actualisation in their theories.

Supporters of this approach argue that punishments and rewards should be used only minimally—for example, when a specific situation needs to be managed quickly because a child’s behaviour has become dangerous.

More often, adults are encouraged to:

• Talk with the child about what happened, what the possible consequences might be, and how the problem could be resolved.
• Allow the child to make choices so they can practise navigating real-life situations.
• Create a learning environment in which the child feels safe enough to make mistakes and learn from them instead of being afraid of punishment.

Why Would Changing the Balance Be Helpful?

Many traditional educational institutions, particularly preschools and schools, still appear to rely predominantly on behaviourist methods such as rewards, punishments, and externally imposed consequences, while placing much less emphasis on dialogue, respect, and meaningful choice.

However, research and the work of Alfie Kohn, author of Punished by Rewards and Unconditional Parenting, suggest that:

“Punishment may coerce children into temporary compliance, but it doesn’t help them grow into thoughtful or caring people.”
(Punished by Rewards, 1993, p. 165)

A healthier educational balance might therefore be:

• 20% behaviour-management strategies, used when an unsafe or inappropriate situation must be addressed immediately.
• 80% humanistic and respectful education, centred on the child’s needs, initiative, participation, and growing independence.

In Conclusion

Although behaviourist principles can sometimes help adults manage a particular behaviour quickly, an education or parenting approach based entirely on behaviour control is neither sustainable nor comprehensive.

Children need more than rules and control. They also need a safe space in which they can create, experiment, make mistakes, and understand the real consequences of their actions rather than simply fearing punishment or expecting an external reward.

To support long-term change and healthy emotional development, parents, caregivers, and educators are encouraged to rely more strongly on humanistic principles: investing time in building a secure relationship, encouraging learning through experience, communicating openly, and allowing children to participate in decision-making.

Through this process, children can gradually develop genuine responsibility for their own behaviour.

If you feel guilty about the way you have parented, I invite you to join my lecture and practical workshop on parental guilt, designed to help you understand these feelings and move forward with greater calm and self-compassion.